Round of 64
1 Kansas OVER 16 Boston U- Bill Simmons got a Masters from BU and Boston Rob got a BA. Sorry, Simmons and Boston Rob.
8 UNLV OVER 9 Illnois-Does UNLV still pay their players? For the purposes of this pick, I’m assuming the answer is yes.
12 Richmond OVER 5 Vanderbilt-Rich what? RICHMOND! Um, that’s not the whole reason I’m picking them. Also, Jay Cutler and Skip Bayless went to Vanderbilt and off the top of my head, I can’t think of two worse people. (Okay I can, but they’re both pretty awful.)
4 Louisville OVER 13 Morehead State-You can’t make up Rick Pitino against Morehead State. If only he’d applied that with his mistress, she wouldn’t have faked a pregnancy and extorted him. But seriously, who the hell makes up the name Morehead State? Sounds like Charlie Sheen’s type of school. Heck, sounds like any guy’s type of school. Except for the guys at BYU.
(If USC wins)
6 Georgetown OVER 11 USC-Congratulations Kevin O’Neill you’ve ruined the game. You took any enjoyment out of tonight’s snoozefest. I’m almost glad Rogers didn’t carry your game. I hope the Hoyas destroy you. My dad is going to Chicago and has to see this one.
(If VCU wins)
11 VCU OVER 6 Georgetown-Go VCU! GO VCU! It’s a shame Rogers made me miss your classic victory last night. I may have to dig out the VCU Rams shirt from the depths of my closet. It’s probably much too small. Eric Maynor hitting the game winner against Duke was maybe the greatest sporting event I’ve ever seen. Let’s do it again VCU! My dad is going to Chicago and gets to see this one.
3 Purdue OVER 14 St. Peter’s-I went to Rome and saw St. Peter’s Square this December. There was lots of art and Jesus memorabilia. I hated St. Peter’s Square.
10 Florida State OVER 7 Texas A & M-I know of Chris Singleton, and I love my Deion Sanders FSU jersey. I think them or Texas A&M will beat Notre Dame.
2 Notre Dame OVER 15 Akron-The heavily hyped Fighting Irish struggle to defeat a much smaller and less celebrated school. Remind you of any other sport? God, I hate Notre Dame. Don’t even get me started on Touchdown Jesus.
Round of 32
1 Kansas OVER 8 UNLV-Has any team ruined more brackets over the years than Kansas. The only year they didn’t flame out they won the whole thing, and those are the two ways to spoil the bracket. I’m betting this year’s a flameout. I still say they beat a pedestrian UNLV.
4 Louisville OVER 12 Richmond-Louisville and Rick Pitino continue their run of glory. Let’s just hope no lawsuits or extortion follow. Actually, let’s hope they do because it’s more fun.
3 Purdue OVER 11 USC/VCU-The Boilermakers cruise to victory and beat either of these. Who needs Robbie Hummel when I’m picking them for a random reason?
10 FSU OVER 2 Notre Dame-The Fighting Irish choke it counts. At least there’s no Clausen, let’s thank God for that.
4 Louisville OVER 1 Kansas-Kansas flames out again. Fortunately, I’m onto you Bill Self. Thanks for helping me win my bracket. (If they win-Screw you Bill Self.)
3 Purdue OVER 10 FSU-Why do I keep picking Purdue? They have JaJuan Johnson and E’Twaun Moore. Both are seniors, both have great names, and both can get it done when it counts. That hopefully will be here.
3 Purdue OVER 4 Louisville-JaJuan and E’Twaun finally make a Final 4. I jump for joy as both them and Michigan State prove me right and the world wrong. (If Louisville wins-I hope you get extorted Rick. Screw you, Pitino.)