Round of 64
1 Duke OVER 16 Hampton-If I need to explain myself, please stop reading.
2 San Diego State OVER 15 Northern Colorado-If any 2 seed falls, it would be this one. However, that happens something like once every ten years so you won’t find me picking it.
3 UCONN OVER 14 Bucknell-Christy Mathewson went to Bucknell. Now that you’re done looking that up or if you’re a fan of the dead ball era, you’ve realized that a team whose most famous alumni is a baseball player from over 100 years ago, is not winning a game.
13 Oakland OVER 4 Texas-Did you know Oakland University is in Michigan? They get the win here led by big Keith Benson. Which is a hell of a name, and he has the goatee to match. He sounds like he’s just about ready to step into a bad action movie and beat up 11 guys at once. I essentially believe he’ll do that against Texas. Texas is also led by Rick Barnes, who knows about as much about basketball as my goldfish (Goldy died 6 years ago). If you don’t believe me just watch the game and I am sure that win or lose you will believe he is mentally handicapped.
12 Memphis OVER 5 Arizona-God do I hate Arizona. Kevin O’Neill was their coach a few years ago and I had the thrill of watching them in the first two rounds in Miami a couple years ago. Their fans were excruciating, the exact sort of people you would expect to live in Arizona. I’m going to try not to make dumb jokes about universities, but these people are about as smart as my cactus (don’t have one). In terms of the game Arizona is overrated and Memphis will run all over them.
11 Missouri OVER 6 Cincy-I had a tough time with this one but since I like Xavier to go far, and there are only so many teams from Cincinatti I will pick, Cincy has to go.
7 Temple OVER 10 Penn State-Only a few months until you get to watch Joe Paterno sit in the press box, Nittany Lions fan! What is a Nittany Lion anyway and why won’t they fire that old man?
8 Michigan OVER 9 Tennessee-Neither has a chance against Duke, so I’ll go with Michigan because Bruce Pearl went shirtless to the Tennessee women’s basketball team’s game. I hate that he went to a women’s basketball game. In all serious, I have no problem with that but I do have a problem with him going shirtless. If you want to know why go on Google Images although I don’t suggest it. I also loved how the Fab Five criticized Duke players for being Uncle Toms when Michigan is up there with Duke for snobby, primarily Caucasian institutions.
Round of 32
1 Duke OVER 8 Michigan-Because Duke is the best and Michigan kind of sucks.
7 Temple OVER 2 San Diego State-There’s always one over seeded mid major which crumbles during tournament time. They’re not that good just because they ran up their record against inferior competition. And as a friend put it, “San Diego isn’t a state.”
11 Missouri OVER 3 UCONN-There’s also always that team that plays 5 games in 5 days during a conference tournament and shocks everyone by winning. Then they run out of gas. See Syracuse a few years ago as an example.
13 Oakland OVER 12 Memphis-Repeat after me, Memphis cannot stop Keith Benson. Perhaps no one can.
1 Duke OVER 13 Oakland-Keith Benson’s magical run comes to an end here against big bad Duke. Hoping to see you with a Maple Leaf on your back next year old friend. (If Oakland loses tomorrow scratch this, I loathe you Keith Benson.)
11 Missouri OVER 7 Temple-Missouri gets it done led by Kadeem Green of Toronto. To be quite honest, no one in this region stands a chance in hell against Duke. Once again, the bracket makers give Duke the best region. Not that there’s a conspiracy or anything. But if there is you just know Dick Vitale and Jay Bilas are somehow involved.
1 Duke OVER 11 Missouri-The Blue Devils advance to the Final 4 yet again as Coach K looks despicable yet again.