Why We Hate the Heat

I rest in the majority of basketball fans in one idea for sure. I hate the Miami Heat. I watch the video below frequently (not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six…) during Miami-Boston games and I begin to bleed Celtic green.

But I think we, as Heat Haters, need to step up and really acknowledge the true reason we hate the Heat. I’ve heard the reason everyone says. “It’s not that they all went to Miami—it’s how they did it.” I’m not going to say that The Decision and Bosh’s slimy departure didn’t impact the way we felt about the Heat, but rather that regardless of how they went to Miami—we were bound to hate the Heat. It’s convenient to say that it is solely because of how they went to Miami, but this is just a nice way of saying how we really feel:

We hate you because you went to Miami.

We hate you because you ruined everything right about basketball—even though it seems as if you did everything right. I mean, think about it, three stars taking role and pay reductions (no, I don’t think they sacrificed any attention or publicity—even Bosh became more newsworthy after being the franchise in Toronto) to get a championship. We love these stories. A group banded together that will put nothing in the way of a championship.

But we hate the Heat. And there’s a simple reason that we don’t have to feel bad about. No, not jealously—we hate the Heat because if they win, it gives no hope for the little guy—for the everyman, or shall I say the everyfan. If the Heat win, it means every superstar will realize that the only way to avoid the paths followed by Reggie Miller, John Stockton, Patrick Ewing, Charles Barkley and Karl Malone—great players, zero rings in total—is to join together much like the Heat have done. And thus, big NBA cities and owners will feel the need to put these superstar-superfriend squads together that would make even the Monstars take the early shuttle back to Moron Mountain.

If he would have said Toronto, I wouldn't be saying that I didn't like the way he did it

So, why do we hate the Heat? Because Toronto ain’t doing what they did anytime soon. Ditto for almost every other team in the league. Most of the league’s fans are mourning with the Timberwolves, recovering with the Pistons—or in my case, just hangin’ on by a thread with the Raptors.

We hate the Heat because if they win, then we lose—maybe forever. It means team chemistry, shrewd trading and balance are thrown off. It means the recipe for winning is no longer the 2004 Detroit Pistons—who saved basketball from superteams in 2004 when they beat the Shaq-Kobe-Payton-Malone Lakers. It means the Raptors will never stand a chance.

So yes, I hated The Decision. But, what I hate more is that the recipe for winning includes nice weather, beaches and no state tax—of which Toronto has none in the drawers.

And if this off-season comes around and Chris Paul is in New York, Dwight Howard is in LA and the Heat use their Mid-Level Exception to sign Tyson Chandler—it will further push Toronto into a subdivision of the NBA mediocrity.

This is why we need Memphis, Oklahoma City, Atlanta (or even Chicago and Dallas) to be shaking David Stern’s hand. That shake will be from Toronto, Cleveland, Utah, New Jersey, Sacramento and San Antonio among many others saying thank you for keeping our hopes alive.

And if the Heat win? If Lebron raises the Larry O’Brien Trophy high guaranteeing another 25 before he retires, I’m hoping for a long painful lockout with King Soloman as our mediator. Given my feelings for Lebron, I’ll gladly accept his verdict to cut him into 30 pieces.

Or at least a hard cap.

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