Draft Lottery Ramblings

By: Norman Yallen

Any time the Raptors give their General Manager a contract extension after a 22-60 season on the same night as the NBA Draft Lottery, I have to keep some running observations. It hopefully won’t be as torturous as the next five years of Bryan Colangelo. Please reread that sentence, because it means another five years of Daddy’s Little GM. With this guy in charge, we’re going to need a top 2 pick.

-It appears we were brought in late, thanks TSN.

-Gavin Maloof and Kevin Johnson probably did not share a cab from the airport.

-While KJ and Maloof promise not to be here, Colangelo is committing to it.

-In some ways, the lottery is more fun than having a good team. For whatever reason the potential of winning and greatness is almost greater than winning. If you don’t believe me than I don’t know why you’re watching.

-Someone tell ESPN we don’t care about the games, we just want some envelopes. They won’t suck me in to watching this game, I just want my lottery. Well, maybe they will suck me into watching this game. I do like the Mavericks bench.

-God forbid Mike Wilbon go five minutes without namedropping. The fact that he talked to Dirk Nowitzki makes him so compelling. He must know something I don’t. Who knew Dirk thought this was his best team?

-If this is most of this show, I’m glad I don’t usually watch.

-That accountant who is the only one that knows the results might be on quite the power trip. If that were me I’d call all my friends telling them that I knew how there favourite team did, but I couldn’t tell. Then I’d call Vegas and place a nice bet on the lottery results. There’s a reason I’m not the accountant who knows the results. Also, if you bet on the lottery, you probably need some help. Unless you won, in which case I have to wonder if you know that accountant.

-Hangover 2 looks like it’s just going to be The Hangover but a little more outrageous and less original. In other words, it will be like every other movie sequel.

-I love the teams that think they can’t win so they send the VP of god knows what.

-Colangelo looks much too smug for someone who’s led us here.

-If the Kings win, this is a conspiracy.

-Oh, I want the little boy with the nerve disorder to win. If I were a GM, I’d send a sick kid rather than showing my sorry face.

-I think Adam Silver is a robot David Stern uses for this purpose so he doesn’t have to see all these losers.

-Curse you sick boy. Goddamn it, we’re not even getting the Turkish guy. I eagerly await Colangelo telling me this European he’s picking can shoot the three and will eventually bulk up. He’ll be a 7 footer who never goes inside the three point line and him and Bargnani will be the worst defensive frontcourt ever. I’m sure he’ll excel in workouts though, they always do.

-The lesson is that you have to send the crippled boy to the NBA Draft. Or just a smart kid with a sports blog perhaps. The Raptors should send me next year, because I have no doubt they’ll be there.

-I wonder how the Clippers feel about that trade now, Irving and Griffin? That could have been a title team.

-On the bright side, I now get to laugh in a few years when Kyrie Irving leaves the Cleveland Cavaliers for a more desirable destination.

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